autumnal equinox

I’ve spent this week being contemplative. I’ve spent this week being sad. I’ve spent this week in the mirror, wishing for something more. I’ve spent this week on my computers feeling better than I have in years.
I think the days are coming, y’all.
I don’t mean the days where I’m this ultimate new person. No, definitely not that. I’ve brought back some of the old me. I’d just encounter something new, and I would never stop learning about the new things until I had either assimilated all of the information, or found a new path to learn new things.
Today I have submitted resignations for AGLC and ITLA. I plan on submitting another resignation for the NBLGLF tomorrow or very early next week. I’ve been everything from volunteer to board member to board chair in these organizations. I’ve given blood, sweat, and tears for all of this. I don’t regret any of it- as a matter of fact, I relish in the fact that I was able to do these things and learn from them. It’s time for me to rise from the pain and the pressure and become myself again.
The new me has come into fruition during the autumnal equinox. Flavors In The Fall, as it were.
In order to find the new me, I’ve decided to strip myself and roll around in the pasture and not have to worry about who’s behind me, what’s in front of me, and whether there’s an anvil above my head waiting to fall on me. I can stop worrying about surviving to go back to the me that was always up and around trying to make changes to the community instead of first making changes to myself and those closest around me.
This week, I’ve let my mind succumb to adding new things to the old. I’ve let new music soothe my soul, and let old friends strap me in the wayback machine and had me travel back in time so that things which once were can still be that way again. Travelling without moving, as it were.
Tomorrow, I’m going to a retreat in the Georgia mountains for the weekend, to learn and to experience things about myself that haven’t been touched in several years. I’m going to relearn how to absorb as much as I can without tearing myself up in the process.
I’m going to experience what going to different cities means to me. For more than ten years, I was always in a different city at least once a month. For a year I have been in this city, unable or unwilling to travel. That’s going to change. I’ll be going back to Chicago in 7 days. I’ll be spreading my wings to head to New York in 5 weeks. I’ll be the one with the wide eyes, the big backpack, and the digital camera.
I’ve gone back to the me that has new music to listen to, old music to reminisce, and the mixes of all the music into something totally different, something out of this world.
I’ve started making changes to e-schwa, then listening to the masses, delving into my mind, and redesigning. I’ve started using Trillian so that everyone is accessible while on the keyboard using HomeSite and TopStyle. I’m surfing around the web to incorporate the old me back into the Internet. I’m not the snappiest, snazziest person, but it’s my emotions speaking- not some stylistic flair or flourish. It’s what hits me at the right time and in the right places.
Freak freak, y’all, and I won’t stop…

10 comments on “autumnal equinox

  1. Antonio G says:

    A Peace Of Mind is a wonderful thing — and I’m glad to hear that your taking the necessary steps to keep your sanity — All to often we get caught up in the things around us that we fail to pay attention to the little things that make us happy. Congratulations Sir!

  2. lisa says:

    people always think of spring as the time of renewal and rebirth, but i have always felt like that in the autumn. it’s my favorite time. and it sounds like this fall is the start of a new era in your life, as well. you go, ej. i’m thrilled for you. it’s a beautiful thing.

  3. Chicago? New York? Hmmm… My travel plans have fallen through so I guess I’ll have to wait on your reports.

  4. Michelle says:

    Enjoy the fall season. It’s always been my favorite and has always produced lots of positives in my life.

  5. Mhm, I see that now.. now.. I see that you resignin and all that.. but you KNOW you are making the right decision right?
    And Mike is okay with this?

  6. lynne says:

    don’t forget to look me up when you come to NYC.

  7. George says:

    Ain’t no lust like wanderlust. Just make you sure “pack light,” as somebody once sang. (I mention it ’cause it’s my Special Issue, not yours. ;-])

  8. Boy,, you know! Gotta come to Cali to meet Antonio and me. Shoot.

  9. e j says:

    I have plenty to write, y’all.
    George, I am laughing hysterically at that! Boy do I have a story to tell! Make sure I tell you about that one….wanderlust went into overdrive on this trip!
    Oh yeah, George and Lynne – I bought 17 CDs…. from the Tom Tom Club to Kittenz and Thee Glitz to Sureme Beings of Leisure. This should last me until 2004.
    And MJ I intend on purchasing more Coldplay. Very soon.
    Lloyd – I’ll be in Cali sooner than you think.

  10. Donald says:

    I’m waiting, but I think I should warn you – it’s cold as hell up here now! Okay, that might change between now and when you get here.
    Actually, I’m on my way back under the blankets …

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