Three weeks ago:

"The doctor called again, he says to give him a call."
After the visit two months ago, are you kidding? He’s going to tell me about
this new treatment that’s going to kill me, I’m sure of it. I’ll have to mentally
prepare myself for that. I’ll go to sleep instead. That would probably work
out better.

"The doctor’s returning your call…he said to call him back."
I guess I should take my time and check on my lab results before I
call him back. Maybe I’ll just do both when I get home from work tomorrow.

Two weeks ago:

"The doctor left a message. He says that he went to a conference
and talked to some other doctors, and he has more information for you."
Is that good info or bad info? I guess I’ll wait until I go see him,
which is this month. I think. Or maybe it’s next month. I forget. Oh, well.
I have work to do.

Two days before the appoinment:

"This is the doctor’s office calling. Verifying your appointment
two days from now."
Oh, shit.

The appointment:

"Welcome, EJ. You’re lookin’ much bigger these days! Gained a lot
of weight too! The doctor will see you shortly."
Is that a good thing or bad thing…oh it must be a good thing. You’re
smiling.

"How come you haven’t checked back with the lab after your last
bloodwork? *Smiles* You know I’m mad at you."
Urr, umm…okay, I was avoiding it, I admit. No-one wants to know about
a situation that involves needles and nausea, 2 N’s I don’t need.

"Now, I have your results, and it seems your count has doubled. Have you
done anything different?"
Besides ranting, raving, working and going to the gym to absorb time where the
alternative is to sit in a mild depression, no, not at all. What makes you say
that? Wait a minute, did you say double ?!

"Yes, that’s the highest it’s ever been. And you look good too.
And I can’t explain it."
Okay, I can’t either. Now that it’s doubled, technically, I’m still
under the gun….so I’m not totally safe am I? And I’m still afraid of the alternate
meds. That doesn’t sound good.

"Well, I went to the medical conference and talked to Dr. X. He’s
got a list of people that can give you some really good insight, and who took
the meds for a short period of time and took them out of the danger zone pretty
quickly with minimum side effects. He recommends it. What do you think?’
Well, let’s wait a week until the next set of results come back. I’d
like to talk to others also. That would help.

"I’ll make sure to get some more people you can talk to. Now, you
*will* call back in a week, won’t you?"
Yes, this time I promise.

"And you look good too? What did you do differently?"
The gym of course. And keeping my mind focused. Etcetera, ad nauseum.

"Do you have pictures of yourself? Before and after pictures? I’d
like to show them to some other people."
I don’t have pictures, and I’m flattered. I’ll see if I can’t get you
some.

"Even though your numbers are still questionable, you’re one of
the best patients. Do you mind talking to some other people who want to understand
how you’ve lived…to give some insight of what they can do if they put their
mind to it?"
Sure, I’d love to do that. And I don’t mind it at all. In fact, if
you want me to visit others in the hospitals I will. I have no problem with
that.

"Thanks. I really think that would help others. *Hug* You’ve been
great. See you in two months. And please, please, call back in a week. I don’t
have to nag you do I?"
*Hugs*, naw…I put the next appointment in the computer here, so I
can’t forget. See ya doc. Damn, my life is a whole lot better now.