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on same-sex marriages…


I may be Valentines-challenged, but I know people who aren’t.

Yesterday, on Valentines Day, from Efren Bose, a Bay Area homeslice of mine, wrote:

We Got Married!

I’m shocked. Honestly, I’m really shocked. I’ve
always been a bit cynical about the whole gay marriage
thing, especially since technically the marriage
doesn’t count anywhere else outside of SF (which is
funny because my partner and I can literally spit into
SF from our house). We’ve always joked with each
other that we’ll go to Toronto, Vancouver, or Boston.
The mayor of SF is also a bit of a publicity hog so
when the announcement came that queers were going to
get married, most of us thought, “yeah, whatever.”

Then Del Lyon and Phyllis Martin got married.

You could hear the collective shock from all over SF.
We still weren’t pretty serious about it. Even my
partner, who’s always been more excited about marriage
than I was, wasn’t too excited about getting married
either.

But we figured, hell, Valentine’s day, convenient, and
we’re a part of history. We arrive there in casual
gear, both in jeans and t-shirts, and wait in line.

And wait. And wait.


What strikes me the most is the whole mundaneness of
all the couples there. And the cameras. Snapping
pictures of ordinary, boring queer couples like us.
The couple in front of us, two men from LA who are
visiting SF for the International Bear Weekend.
Behind us, two women from SF with their 2 year-old son
in tow. Journalists are everywhere, swarming down on
people.

The most interesting thing is realizing that we are
the ONLY asian-asian male couple in line. A few
interracial couples with one Asian are there, but it
amazed us that we didn’t see any other Asian-Asian
male couples. The Japanese news cameras spot us, and
literally run to us, and interview us for a good 5
minutes. This is an hour into waiting.

My partner runs to McDs, gets fries. Random people congratulate us, give us Hershey’s kisses, roses, refreshments. We fill out the forms, and notice how everything’s been “gender-neutralized.”

And we wait. 4 hours finally pass until we get to the
foot of City Hall.

All the couples take pictures at the stairs. We take
two, and suddenly a pretty blond woman runs up to us
and says, “take these shirts! i made them for guys
like you. congratulations!” she disappears into the
crowd as quickly as she came in. the shirts,
“Validated Gay on Valentine’s Day.” Size: Small. I
will NEVER fit into this. :)

We go through security, fill out the forms. Pay our
fees, swear that we’ve told the truth, rush down the
stairs and walk to the rotunda, where the weddings are performed. We were under the impression that we would be doing weddings en masse, a la the Moonies, but no, we see a guy in a suit come up to us and says that we’re next.

So we get to a spot on the rotunda, and the guy starts
talking from the script. He says, “Do you take…”

As he says it, it suddenly hits me. Wow, I’m getting
married. The cynic who’s always referred to marriage
as something nothing more than pomp and circumstance.
I’m suddenly overcome with emotion. I’m declaring in
front of total strangers that we’re getting married,
saying the actual vows of marriage. I have to fight
back tears as I look into my partner’s eyes, who is
also fighting back tears. “I do,” I say.

Suddenly it’s over. We’re married. We keep repeating
it to each other. “OMG, we’re married.”

We go to a fundraiser later on that night, and we’re
announced as one of the new newlyweds. We get
interviewed by two more newspapers that night.

There is an air of excitement and shock when we
announce that we’re married. We go to a club later on
to tell friends that we didn’t get a chance to tell in
the rush to decide, and everyone is amazed, but not
shocked, that we’re married.

Yesterday was just…amazing. Even if (which I
expect) these weddings are declared null and void or
suspended, the actual fact that we went through this
was a chance in a lifetime.

Still stunned, and amazed…
Efren

(JozJozJoz has it in blow-by-blow detail.)

“Sometimes, in life, for principle, you’re gonna have to kick some ass.” –Jill Scott, Gettin’ in the Way

15 Responses “on same-sex marriages…”

  1. 15 February 2004 at 16:23

    Down the Aisle

    Via ej flavors. Efren, from the LGBTPoC (Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual People of Color) listerve, shares his experience in the San Francisco wedding rush. We Got Married! I’m shocked. Honestly, I’m really shocked. I’ve always been a bit cynical about the

  2. 15 February 2004 at 18:58

    Wow! I am so happy for them!!! I am all for gay marriage… I think people should marry whoever they want to as long as they’re in love. I hope that other cities will one day follow suit. This is definitely a wonderful thing and I’m glad your friends got to go through with it!

  3. 15 February 2004 at 21:26

    ok. i’m a moron because i thought that after getting your friend’s email, YOU and your partner got married.. but i figured out eventually that your blog contains the entire email from your friend.. and that i’m a confused child. ok, ok, so i got it.
    yeah for your friend! regardless of whether or not it’ll be null and void eventually the fact remains that they did it.. and so did thousands of others that are indeed officially a part of the movement. stuff like that can’t go unnoticed and eventually (lord knows how long it’ll take) we will win this one.. i can feel it.
    thanks for sharing!

  4. 15 February 2004 at 22:28

    Deshi, it’s interesting to see how this is going to pan out in the country. I’m still mighty pessimistic, but I’m not nearly as pessimistic as I used to be. I see a light at the end of the tunnel. Whether or not it’s burning bridges remains to be seen…

  5. 16 February 2004 at 00:03

    This is wonderful. Best wishes to your friends, ej!

  6. Brick
    16 February 2004 at 11:26

    Congrats to them! I wish them the best.

  7. 16 February 2004 at 12:35

    i am happy that you all are making history :) congrats

  8. Tai
    16 February 2004 at 18:38

    I am so glad Efren and his partner got married. I am glad San Francisco is doing something to honor its citizens. I am all for gay marriage NOT BECAUSE OF ANY SANCTITY, I am all for gay marriage because its a public decloration of love and commitment. I know that statement reeks of hetero-normativity. However, I feel any attempt to block gay marriage is an attempt to control that public decloration.
    I feel that we need to make a public and political statement affirming that our love is anything but second class.

  9. 17 February 2004 at 08:47

    Ummm…. so when are my parents jumping the broom?

  10. 18 February 2004 at 19:27

    This is really exciting and I’m not a future partner of anybody. I don’t agree with our government deciding who can and can’t marry. It’s none of their business. I sincerely hope none of these marriages will never become null and void.

  11. 18 February 2004 at 23:10

    Cool. So very, very cool.
    :-)

  12. 19 February 2004 at 01:45

    LOL. I thought YOU had gotten married… what a twit I can be sometimes :). Congrads to your friend… maybe one day you’ll do it :)

  13. 21 February 2004 at 22:57

    EJ, I wish your friend the best of luck. They are going to have to be strong because “the folks” (that’s what I call the throw-the-Bible-in-your-face crowd against same-sex marriages) are all outraged.

  14. CO
    24 February 2004 at 08:32

    Somewhere out there, are two lovely women, who will never meet the men Mother Nature had in mind for them…
    Pity…

  15. 25 February 2004 at 18:07

    I agree with CO. What message are we telling our future generation?
    Will there be a decline in male = man and female = woman marriages?
    Will there be a decline of children born into families of opposite sex households or increase in children born into families of same sex households?
    Will kids tease other kids and say you have one mother and I have two, nay nay, or say you have only one dad I have two?
    Will male and female marriages be banned in the future?
    10 to 20 or 100 years what will our country be like? I don’t know if ban gay marriages will work. The Prohibition did it work in the past?
    Cant’t beat them join them.
    Let me turn the station.
    Can Love be blindfolded!!!

About EJ

I'm just the kid trippin' over the sea of CDs....