via Bejata (because it was just too fun to pass up):
Alright class, settle down. You’ve gotten off easy for long enough. The first month of the new year is almost over and you haven’t been quizzed in awhile now. So put away the notes, books under your desks, thinking caps on. And remember to show all work.
1. Do you expect to receive a Valentine’s Day wish from someone special this year?
Yes. I expect to receive it from more than one person this year. It is the year of the sexy, and I’m vying for championship. If, by chance anything should happen to some unsuspecting sexy people coming towards me, then you might want to think about taking another look at Prime.
2. What is the biggest fib you’ve ever put on a resume?
I didn’t actually say that I graduated from college, only that I had gone to college. By the time they caught it, I had been promoted twice.
3. Are you generally optimistic or pessimistic about your financial future in 2004?
Generally optimistic. If you asked me right this minute though, I would probably throw a tomato at you.
4. Which of the following would you most like to be, and why:
a. A famous artist or entertainer
b. A world class athlete
c. A wealthy business owner.
d. An influential politician or community leader
Now anyone who knows me knows I’d have to be a. A famous artist or entertainer. A producer, even, because it’s like being a musical architect. They shape and mold music into what it should be. Yeah. Either I could do that or just end up working at the car wash if it doesn’t work out.
5. Have you ever engaged in a sexual act (including masturbation) at a place where you worked?
Yes. More than once. *Steps away from the microphone*
6. Do you have any tattoos or piercings? How many and where?
Just on my left ear. But like anything neglected, it just shriveled up.
7. What did you eat the last time you had a late night hunger craving?
I’m assuming this is a G-rated question. French toast.
8. Do you know for whom you’ll be voting for president, either in a primary or the general election?
No, not yet. Soon though.
9. The Super Bowl is this weekend. Will you watch for the game, the halftime show or the commercials?
I’ll watch for the commercials, halftime, and the second half.
10. If either were to come your way today, which would be more welcome; a check for $200 or two hours of hot, sweaty, butt nekkid sex?
A check for $200, because I could have my cake and eat it too, for $200. *rimshot*