Go to ...

EJ Flavors

The Next Evolution Of The Sensei

RSS Feed

my cup runneth over


This is a stream of consciousness. My brain is full, and I keep saying that I’ll blog the right way whenever three things happen: 1) a paycheck comes; 2) I execute my travelling plans to see parts of the world and more people; 3) Prometheus is fixed and shipped back. But, as usual, something happened.
I’ve read so many blogs, so many comments, listened to so much music, finished up projects at work and got swole just enough that I’ve filled myself up with thoughts and didn’t record them all.
In my instant messenger universe, I’ve typed enough to different folks, been part of more than a handful of chat conversations in such a way that I’ve been able to keep sane. Why, I’ve even talked on the phone with a couple of them.


What am I saying? What I’m saying is merely this: that I have issues with everything that’s going on here. Let’s start with one example: the love below.
There have been plenty of posts about love: relationships that lasted less than 10 days, relationships that lasted more than 5 years, and relationships that are ongoing. Let’s talk about building relationships.
This is what frustrates me: talk about relationships which say nothing about hope, only anger. Not pain and suffering, not hope. Nothing on the positive end. Now, while I can say that I’m a good listener, every so often these conversations short circuit me, because they turn into negative connotations. Pointing out names and conversations are irrelevant at this point. They serve only one thing: to stir up a pot that’s already boiling over. I’m all about listening, I’m all about dialogue, but damnit, let’s make sure that whoever is talking is expressing themselves from an emotional level. Let’s make sure that the other ones, who hear a piece of dialogue, don’t have to protect themselves or feel like they’re going to get slammed. And please, there is no need for people to sit like a fly on a wall and wait for the fight to ensue. It. Just. Isn’t Worth. It.
You wanna talk pain? Let’s talk about a little pain here.
My mother, who has moved, decided that she would take a trip to North Carolina to accompany one of her friends to her daughter’s house. While there, she had a little pain in her chest. She thought nothing of it, and figured she’d take some aspirin and do some excercise. The pain didn’t subside much so she thought if she took a nap that the pain would go away. It didn’t.
Her friends thought that if the pain was still there the next morning, they would take her to the emergency room. After a routine check, it was discovered that my mother was having a heart attack. They cleared up the problem, but had she gotten there later, things would have been far worse.
The last time I saw my father was when I was four. My mother has been my father her entire life, due to the fact that he has passed. I won’t go through the thoughts of the pain I would have had if something worse would have happened to Mom.
What am I saying? Maybe nothing, maybe everything. But know this: minimizing pain does nothin’ for a person. Acknowledgement is important. I don’t seek pity, but I do seek encouragement. A little sympathy is nice too. You can keep your bitterness to yourself. If it doesn’t bring joy to the world around you, then it sure as hell doesnt bring joy to yourself.
Rant off.

16 Responses “my cup runneth over”

  1. 9 November 2003 at 22:23

    Short Thoughts on Relationships

    A friend of mine once said long time ago that gay men don�t have friends that they haven�t slept with. While this is not true in my own case, I do know brothas who do a quick sort–lover or sex…

  2. 10 November 2003 at 11:55

    I thought I was obtuse…
    Other than you mother (who is doing well now) I’m not sure what you’re talking about in this post. Slamming? Bitterness? Are you referencing something from these many chats you mentioned? As usual, I’m the last to know. But in this case, maybe that’s not a bad thing.

  3. 10 November 2003 at 15:53

    Glad you MOM is doing better. I caught the tail end of one of those chat sessions. I did not comment since I missed the beginning on the conversation. All I know is for the few days afterward everyone had a strange energy about them. I can only assume that the chat became a less than safe space for some.
    I look forward to the posts and chats on relationships. We all are at diffrent stages in the process and have a story to tell and if we listen we can learn from each others experiences. Also provide encouragement so we all stay on the right path.

  4. 10 November 2003 at 16:40

    hey EJ,
    just wanted 2 let u know that it will get better…..u know y? cause things always get worst b4 they get better….. so u have something 2 look 4ward 2!!!!!
    SMILE!!!!!!!!

  5. Bernard
    11 November 2003 at 14:00

    Hey, my best wishes to your mom on a speedy, full recovery…. give her a hug from me. I hear you on the negative vibe about relationships… holding on to past hurts… at times I too admit feeling a bit “jaded” in the past.. .until I better realized what I want out of life. I know relationships can and do work in our lives.. I see more than a few living examples…
    One thing I think not touched upon is “everyone isn’t cut out to be in a romantic relationship”. It’s a societal “norm” created… the old there’s someone out there for everyone. I believe we all need to take a deep look inside to examine and admit to self whether or not we’re relationship material… or if that’s what we really, really want.

  6. Bernard
    11 November 2003 at 14:00

    Hey, my best wishes to your mom on a speedy, full recovery…. give her a hug from me. I hear you on the negative vibe about relationships… holding on to past hurts… at times I too admit feeling a bit “jaded” in the past.. .until I better realized what I want out of life. I know relationships can and do work in our lives.. I see more than a few living examples…
    One thing I think not touched upon is “everyone isn’t cut out to be in a romantic relationship”. It’s a societal “norm” created… the old there’s someone out there for everyone. I believe we all need to take a deep look inside to examine and admit to self whether or not we’re relationship material… or if that’s what we really, really want.

  7. 11 November 2003 at 19:11

    i agree. building relatoinships are far more important than pionting out the wrong, unless we plan to better the situation.
    i’ll be praying for your mother…and the rest of us. God knows we need him!

  8. 12 November 2003 at 11:56

    Mama speedy recovery I pray.

  9. 12 November 2003 at 12:21

    i hear you, love. and believe me…i am hanging onto my own particular shred of hope with everything in me! (at least for now.)
    *soooooo glad your mama’s okay*

  10. Bilal
    12 November 2003 at 14:17

    Hey man, I’m sorry to hear about your mom. I hope that she is doing much better now. I am going through the same thing with a friend who had a heart attack and a stroke.

  11. 12 November 2003 at 17:12

    I am glad that Momma Caroline is doing better. We all need encouragement. We all need love.

  12. 13 November 2003 at 12:03

    things will get better e.j. and i hope that they will get better for you.

  13. 13 November 2003 at 16:04

    I had a similar scare the other night when Pops had to be admitted into the hospital because he’d been in a car accident. There wasn’t a scratch on him, no trauma, no nothing. But when I first got the call from the hospital my heart sank, and when I learned he was OK I was pissed because I knew someone was being irresponsible. I was right. I’m happy he’s fine though.
    Anyhoo, as far as the relationship (on “male on male” politics as I like to call it) thing goes, I hope this post pretty much brings it to a near close. We’ve all had different experiences and no one can never seem to agree on anything based solely on that. We all have different standards, different tolerance levels. I, for one (along with another blogger), ain’t so interested in even keeping up this convo, as it seems we are always the ones under attack simply for stating the facts for what we know and being honest. It has even gotten to the point where I don’t want to post about dating anymore because someone will pull out that tired old line about me being jaded, bitter, etc. and quoting some bullshit Hallmark card about candy and roses while totally misreading everything I’ve said.
    At any rate, happy to see you’ve posted even if it is a little on the fiery side. I hope your computer makes it back in one piece.

  14. 14 November 2003 at 18:10

    Must be the weather. Or the time of year.
    Either that, or the Martians.
    Hope you get out of your funk soon!

  15. 15 November 2003 at 12:36

    wow… there is a lot here. i am kinda unclear as to the slamming but as you’ve said. there is no need for it.

  16. Tai
    23 November 2003 at 22:41

    I don’t think many people know how to build relationships. We know how to sex (well, some of us) but the time and energy it takes to build a relationship is a skill many of us don’t have. So how do we build relationships? Well, I think it takes time, energy and a willingness to invest in human beings (especially when you don’t know how the investment will mature).
    Furthermore, I think relationship building scares us because we learn more about ourselves and that process may scare us. When we learn something about ourselves it may confirm what we’ve heard from other or what we thought silently about ourselves. I also think we are scared and don’t wanna take risks…

About EJ

I'm just the kid trippin' over the sea of CDs....