This is a stream of consciousness. My brain is full, and I keep saying that I’ll blog the right way whenever three things happen: 1) a paycheck comes; 2) I execute my travelling plans to see parts of the world and more people; 3) Prometheus is fixed and shipped back. But, as usual, something happened.
I’ve read so many blogs, so many comments, listened to so much music, finished up projects at work and got swole just enough that I’ve filled myself up with thoughts and didn’t record them all.
In my instant messenger universe, I’ve typed enough to different folks, been part of more than a handful of chat conversations in such a way that I’ve been able to keep sane. Why, I’ve even talked on the phone with a couple of them.
What am I saying? What I’m saying is merely this: that I have issues with everything that’s going on here. Let’s start with one example: the love below.
There have been plenty of posts about love: relationships that lasted less than 10 days, relationships that lasted more than 5 years, and relationships that are ongoing. Let’s talk about building relationships.
This is what frustrates me: talk about relationships which say nothing about hope, only anger. Not pain and suffering, not hope. Nothing on the positive end. Now, while I can say that I’m a good listener, every so often these conversations short circuit me, because they turn into negative connotations. Pointing out names and conversations are irrelevant at this point. They serve only one thing: to stir up a pot that’s already boiling over. I’m all about listening, I’m all about dialogue, but damnit, let’s make sure that whoever is talking is expressing themselves from an emotional level. Let’s make sure that the other ones, who hear a piece of dialogue, don’t have to protect themselves or feel like they’re going to get slammed. And please, there is no need for people to sit like a fly on a wall and wait for the fight to ensue. It. Just. Isn’t Worth. It.
You wanna talk pain? Let’s talk about a little pain here.
My mother, who has moved, decided that she would take a trip to North Carolina to accompany one of her friends to her daughter’s house. While there, she had a little pain in her chest. She thought nothing of it, and figured she’d take some aspirin and do some excercise. The pain didn’t subside much so she thought if she took a nap that the pain would go away. It didn’t.
Her friends thought that if the pain was still there the next morning, they would take her to the emergency room. After a routine check, it was discovered that my mother was having a heart attack. They cleared up the problem, but had she gotten there later, things would have been far worse.
The last time I saw my father was when I was four. My mother has been my father her entire life, due to the fact that he has passed. I won’t go through the thoughts of the pain I would have had if something worse would have happened to Mom.
What am I saying? Maybe nothing, maybe everything. But know this: minimizing pain does nothin’ for a person. Acknowledgement is important. I don’t seek pity, but I do seek encouragement. A little sympathy is nice too. You can keep your bitterness to yourself. If it doesn’t bring joy to the world around you, then it sure as hell doesnt bring joy to yourself.